Oakland, California 11:36pm
The night is warm and clear. Rebecca, Pablo and Daniel leave the Aloha Club, after watching the A’s win a blowout victory over the Yankees. Pablo and Rebecca had invited Daniel to come hang out.
Even though they have been in a relationship for the past six months, Daniel hadn’t spent much time with them together as a couple. Throughout the evening, Daniel noticed how some things just weren’t clicking with the two of them. Microsgressions on Pablo’s part and Rebecca trying to just smooth those out. Having been Pablo’s best friend since high school, he knew all about his short temper, ability to be judgemental and defensiveness. Daniel feels a bit of pity for Rebecca. She is a nice enough woman. Sweet demeanor with a bit of youthful playfulness.
Daniel watches from behind the couple as they all walk to the Fruitvale BART station. They walk up to the BART platform. 18 minutes until the next 24th and Mission train was to arrive. “I still can’t believe that hit Khris Davis had. Inside the park home run! Wow!” Rebecca swings an imaginary bat with wild abandon “I can do that!” Pablo rolls his eyes “What are you talking about, you don’t even watch baseball, and this was your first game ever.” “No,”she says “Watch this!” Rebecca swings her bat again and runs off to one side of the platform, first base. Running quickly she heads to the elevator for second and darts to the other platform for third base. Pablo watches while she runs, shaking his head and disregarding her enjoyment. Daniel is hooting along for her to go all the way home. “Round those bases Chica!” She get to third, trips over her own feet and flies off the platform. She lands awkwardly and hard on the tracks. “Owww, fuck” she yells as she sluggishly tries to get her bearings. Pablo looks stunned, then breaks out in laughter. “Oh shit, that was epic!” Daniel is frozen in shock for a second, then looks down the tracks for any oncoming train. He quickly finds the ladder onto the tracks and goes to get Rebecca. “Geez, are you okay?” “Well, seeing as I just ate shit off the ledge, I’m not too bad.” They make it back onto the platform and look at Pablo, whose grin has now turned to frustrated grimace. “That’s what you get for thinking you know anything about baseball. “Dude, fuck off!” Daniel says. “No, it’s okay Daniel, I AM a pretty big clutz.” replies Rebecca.
The train arrives, they get onboard and head back to The City. Rebecca is tries to console Pablo, he is angry and embarrassed that he had to witness her accident. She strokes his hand. “Babe, don’t be mad, I’m sorry that I’m a clutz.” He just stares despondently out the window. Daniel can see that Rebecca is hurt. Not just physically from the fall, but also from how she is being treated by Pablo. The train is now entering the tunnel. It darkens, the train shakes and becomes ear-piercingly loud. Daniel shut his eyes. Rebecca continues to be attentive to Pablo’s feelings and Pablo could care less. The trip under the Bay is a sensory experience, but the only feeling between the friends is that of frustration.
The train arrives at Powell Street. “Aight, this is me.” says Daniel. Rebecca gets out of her seat. “Oh, Daniel, it was so much fun hanging out tonight. Well, except for the part where I didn’t get my In the Park Homer. Thanks for everything!” Daniel gives her a hug. “Yeah no problem, I’m glad I could be there. Glad I could help, glad you are okay. ” He gives Pablo a slightly menacing glance. “Aight yo, Peace!” Pablo never turns his head and flashes the peace sign. Daniel gets off the train and it whizzes past him as Rebecca and Pablo continue on towards 24th.
Pablo finally looks at Rebecca. “I don’t even understand why you it’s so easy for you not be embarrassed in front of my best friend. ” “Well,” Rebecca says “he didn’t seem to be weirded out by it. Actually, he helped me alot faster than you did.” “Yeah…well, pffft… whatever.” grunts Pablo. Rebecca looks him square in the eyes. “I’ve been thinking about this the whole ride over here. Do you even like me Pablo? I don’t know if you are with me because you care about me or if it’s just because I give you the attention. I’m confused.” Pablo gets more physically agitated. “Of course I care about you, I wouldn’t fucking bother with you if I didn’t.” Rebecca smiles sheepishly, “I’m just checking, because it feels like all I do is aggravate you and bring you frustration.” Pablo rolls his eyes. “Fuck, don’t you get it? I am the way I am and that’s just how it is. I express myself differently than you do. I don’t have to be exactly like you, I’m going to express myself the way I do. If you like it, Cool! If you don’t, then that’s cool too.” Rebecca nervously bites her lip and brushes Pablo’s hair. “Alright, I get it.” Pablo turns his head again to look out the window.
The train arrives at 24th and Mission. They both get up and exit the train. They walk to the staircase. Rebecca leans into Pablo, wraps her hand around his and clutches closer to his side. They exit into the night, turn a corner and fade away slowly down the street.
Being pushed to the side never feels great. Having the complexities of others and their lives, bringing what they can to the table. I bring a buffet, yet I do not eat. Learning that my life and happiness are intertwined, but never really understanding that concept. I long for someone to hold me closest to their heart, but realizing that I am that person and that heart is mine. It still pains me to even pause and think, awful feelings of failure and worthlessness. My objective is to come true and clean with myself. Remove the cobwebs of self care and move forward. I have to make it happen if I plan on being functional. May the blessings of this world and all that I cannot see be with me.
THE WONDERFUL WORLD OF QUITTING: 